Tonight's post comes courtesy of Logan Banner.  If you're as geeky as he and I,  you'll know that's not his real name.  He's someone from my awkward high school days who has recently resurfaced from the depths of Facebook, and we will be working on a few different projects together for the blog.  He wishes to remain anonymous, so I will respect his wishes.  Here is Logan's first of hopefully several pieces for this blog.

You Aren't Going to Get Laid

I’ll be honest: I very much dislike grouping people or speaking in generalities, but for the purpose of entertainment (and hopefully a little education), the following is a humble painting using the broadest of strokes.

Hello, single men. You are not going to get laid. I’m sorry, but it’s true. You now live in a world where women are bombarded with offers for sex, both directly and indirectly, on a near constant basis. If you think your opening line, abs, or dick pic is going to cut through that noise, you are living in a dream world.

...Still reading? Done cursing me out? Great, let’s start talking solutions. Solutions to how you get laid you ask? No. No, I just told you it isn’t going to happen. The solution is to stop caring about getting laid. (Pause for gasps.) Yes, I know, we men constantly think about sex, but that’s why internet porn exists. I know, I know it’s not the same, but it’s also not the point. There is a two-fold reason here. The first is the point I keep driving home, which is, it’s not going to happen, so obsessing about is just going to frustrate you and you’ll lash out when you feel rejected because of it. This helps no one and at some point, you’ll regret your behavior.

The second reason to stop caring about sex is that it actually leads to you having better interactions with women. Not just for them, but for yourself. See, the male brain has two modes:

1. Normal, and
2. SEX! When the male brain is in SEX! mode, nothing is quite working right. If we register a 0.01% chance of sex, every action we take is about increasing those odds. You aren’t even really present. You're reacting, looking for signs, peacocking; anything to get you closer to SEX! When you are like this, you aren’t having a good time. You won’t remember the details of the interaction. And in the end (all together now), you won’t get laid.

...Throw your phone yet? Sorry, I honestly know this is hard, but here’s the thing: not getting laid and not trying to get laid puts your brain back into normal mode. That means you can actually try to have a conversation about something you want to talk about. It means a lot of anxiety is gone and you can be yourself. Can dates and interactions still go less than perfect? Of course. But the result will be a lot more positive (non-sexual) interactions with women that will lead you to understand them better and maybe sympathize with their perspective on dating in this modern age.

I know what you’re thinking. If you do the above, you’ll get laid. (Sigh.) Will you ever learn? Truth is that the above probably won’t get you more laid than you already do. But it will make you grow as a person (no, not your penis) and give you a lot more positive dating experiences.

Logan, women everywhere thank you.  Have some feedback for Logan?  Please feel free to comment on the post or shoot me an e-mail at nicole@thebeentheredonethatproject.com.

It's going to be another jam-packed overtime weekend, plus two of my friends are celebrating their birthdays.  Oh, and Sunday is New Year's Eve.  Sleep is overrated.

I know I say this all the time, but I will say it again.  I absolutely love that so many people are sending me articles for the blog.  I am always accepting submissions, so please don't be afraid to send me an e-mail if you would like to contribute something.  I can either name you and promote your comedy/business/whatever, or I can keep you anonymous.  

OMG, I might actually get to bed at a decent hour tonight.  Have a lovely evening, everyone.