Goodnight
The show was fantastic. I will post pictures tomorrow night. I am exhausted. See you guys in the morning.
It’s A Drag
Good morning!
Come hang tonight! I just saw Stephen Ferris’ costume, and it’s awesome.
Time to start this long, long day. Hope to see you all at the show!
***
Good evening. Sometimes, bios are the worst part.
Nothing in this long-ass paragraph makes me want to talk to this guy.
Sleep time. The Shoe Is On The Other Foot is tomorrow! Hope to see you guys there.
There’s A Twist
Good morning! This time change is still getting to me.
Probably, but that’s neither here nor there.
Time to get up and be productive. See you guys later.
[Swoon]
Guys. Something magical just happened.
I’ll be right back. I need to plan my wedding.
In real-world news, I just got booked for a showcase at Blacktop in Rocklin on 5/19. Morty Stein is producing, and he is both hilarious and a fantastic human being. And a mortician. Come out if you can.
Also, the latest installment of The Shoe Is On The Other Foot is happening at Luna’s on Wednesday at 8 pm. Come see me do comedy as the male version of myself.
Bedtime. See you guys in the morning.
Sad Libs
Morning. This time change always gets me.
I’m scared to find out what this guy had in mind.
Time to be productive. See you guys later.
Honeymoon Is Over
Good evening! I had a lovely brunch with friends today, followed by a nice dessert date. Then I got this message (different guy).
I decided to check out his profile to see if it was any better.
No. It was not.
I’m off to bed, folks. See you in the morning.
He’s Not Wrong
Good morning.
This picture pretty much sums up what dating feels like right now.
Off to brunch and errands! See you guys later.
Just Press Play
Good evening.
Apparently my reputation for screenshotting has preceded me.
Even though I got over twelve hours of sleep last night and took a nap, I’m going to bed again. See you guys in the morning.
Just No
Good morning! I got about 12 hours of sleep last night. I guess I was tired.
I feel bad for this guy. I’m sure he’s very nice, but I am not a ride-or-die.
Time to go be productive. See you guys later.
Bot Wait, There’s More
Hello from bot-land.
I am a jerk, even to machines.
I’m going to relax and watch Investigation Discovery. See you guys later.
Have a Good
Good morning! I’m coming out of some weird dreams.
By that logic, everyone would have their own Netflix special. Also, the anticipation of what he would like is killing me.
Time to finish the week. See you guys tonight.
Man Bot
Good evening! I’m listening to Lore and winding down.
This has become an experiment to see exactly how much weird stuff I can say to this bot before it self-destructs.
I hope that you all have a nice evening. I’m going to sleep.
Amazon Prime and Chill?
Good morning.
This is an odd collection of information.
Time to get up. It was a short night. See you guys later.
Snaps
Good evening.
Yeah, that’s a no. I don’t even communicate with my friends on Snapchat.
Tonight was my friend’s birthday dinner. Unfortunately, he got sick. Hopefully the rest of us don’t suffer the same fate.
Sleep time. Goodnight.
Stop Yelling
Good morning! I am redonk tired for getting eight hours of sleep.
This is a lot of demands. And a lot of caps lock.
I’m too tired to make more jokes about this.
Time to get up. It’s a long day. I’m celebrating my friend Marcus’ birthday tonight. See you guys later.
I Do Work, Too
Good evening! I’m trying to get to bed at a decent hour.
This also seems very...bot-ish to me. Also, does anyone just come out and say what they do for a living anymore?!?!?
Sleep time. See you guys in the morning.
Long Story
Good morning!
I think this profile was a bot anyway, but it would take me three years to answer those questions.
In happier news, I’m doing The Shoe is on the Other Foot at Luna’s on 3/14, and There Goes the Neighborhood at Sac Punch Line on 5/13. Yay!
Time to get up and be productive. See you guys later.
Where Is Nepoli?
Good evening. I am attempting to relax and unwind.
Don’t know, but it’s probably someone who’s ignoring you. Also, I’m assuming he means Napoleon, unless my knowledge of history is worse than I thought.
Sleep time. See you guys in the morning.
The Rule of Three
Good morning! Hopefully this week is not as insanely busy as last week.
Tru dat, dude.
Time to get up and be productive. See you guys later.