10 Things I Hate About Engagements

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Sup.  Tonight's post is 10 things that Jessica and I hate about engagements.  Again...a topic in which I have a lot of experience.  1-9 is Jessica.  10 is all me.

10 Things I Hate About: Engagements

  1. Announcing your engagement at someone else’s party/event.  Let them have their moment--yours will come, you attention whore!
  2. Bridezillas.  Who doesn’t?!
  3. Long, drawn-out ones.  Exceptions: When one of you is in the military stationed abroad. (Also refer to #6 of the previous list – 10 Things I Hate About : Proposals)
  4. Multiple parties/showers (more than two).  If you must, have the His side shower and Her side shower and then no more parties.
  5. Excessively large wedding parties, esp. uneven ones.   Please try to have an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, it is less awkward.  And unless you are royalty, six on each side is plenty.
  6. Poorly chosen bridesmaids/groomsmen.  Choose your team wisely--think of the bachelor and bachelorette parties that will ensue: the only people who should need babysitting during that party is the bride/groom.  No bridesmaid or groomsman should get so sloppily drunk/publicly inappropriate that they need a babysitter, too.
  7. Grooms who are NIDs (Not Into Details).  Do not make your bride-to-be do all of the work planning your wedding.
  8. Exceeding the wedding budget.  Planning it is stressful enough--coming up with extra money at that last minute to pay for it just makes it worse. Don’t start your married life broke and in debt from your wedding--save that experience for your future house and kids!
  9. Greedy wedding registries.  Are you really going to ever use those Swarovski crystal-studded olive picks that cost $50 per pick?
  10. Making your wedding party pay a ridiculous amount of money for all of the wedding-related events.  All of the custom-printed tanks, tutus, wigs, hotel rooms and plane tickets add up.  We want to support you, but not to the point where we have to cash in our 401ks.

Alright, that's about it for tonight.  Comment below if you have anything to add, and/or want to argue.  I need to work on some comedy stuff and then read more of a Sherlock Holmes/H.P. Lovecraft crossover anthology.  See you guys in the morning.

Happy Monday

Good morning! 

I’m doing The Shoe is on the Other Foot again, but as the Trash Queen this time.  Speaking of which, I need to get a costume together.  Come to Luna’s on 7/11 at 8 pm.  It’s going to be fun, plus it’s the beginning of my birthday staycation. 

Speaking of staycations, I’m actually spending a day in the Bay Area the following Sunday.  I’m excited to get out of the heat for a bit, plus it’s been a while since a dude has planned something for my birthday.   

I’m off to work.  See you guys tonight. 

10 Things I Hate About Proposals

in

Greetings!  Jessica is back to writing top 10 lists of things she hates, and this week she is focusing on all things wedding-related.  I can relate, based off my extensive personal experience in this department.

Tonight is 10 things she/we hate about proposals.  1-7 are Jessica.  8-10 are all me.

10 Things I Hate About You: Proposals

  1. Proposing by hiding the ring in food.  The surprise should be the proposal, not a chipped tooth or unplanned trip to the ER because I choked on it.  If you are going to “hide” the ring, put it in a glass of bubbly where I have a chance of seeing it before I swallow it!
  2. Proposing without a ring.  If all you can afford is one out of a Cracker Jack box (‘There’s a surprise in every box!’), that’s ok! You should proffer a token of some kind that I can wear.
  3. Proposing on the JumboTron. I appreciate that you want the whole world to know how you feel about me, but I prefer the moment to be between us, meaning you and me, not with the entire Raider Nation! (Esp. not with that motley crew!)
  4. Proposing (anywhere) when you don’t really love me.
  5. Proposing to me just to get your green card.  See Number 4.!
  6. Proposing via Skype or text.  Unless you are in the military and stationed abroad and cannot do so in person.  It is a personal moment to be experienced viscerally, not virtually!
  7. Proposing with bad timing.  I don’t care if you have planned to do it on a certain day at a certain time.  If that time comes, and I just told you my cat died, please. Wait and let me mourn first.  Asking me to marry you will not make me feel better about my loss!
  8. Proposing when one/both of us are excessively intoxicated.  I would like to remember the experience, and I don't want to have to explain it to our grandchildren.  Also, this is not a good idea if you're an angry drunk and punch your new fiancee in the face within hours of proposing.
  9. Proposing with a caveat: "I'll marry you if..."  I would rather not be the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with if I will change core parts of my identity.
  10. Proposing, but changing your mind afterwards.  For instance, within 24 hours of the proposal.  This should not be a "maybe" thing.

Alright, that about sums it up for the night.  Comment if you have anything to add to this list.  I really want to finish A Head Full of Ghosts, so I'll see you guys in the morning.

Life Is Funny

I went out tonight to attempt to wingman for Eddie.  It was unsuccessful, but still a fun night.

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I love random art.

My Uber driver on the way home turned out to be a screenwriter.  He shared some of his ideas with me, and they’re amazing.  I hope he brings them to life. 

I’m grabbing brunch with Johnny Casino tomorrow morning, so I’m off to bed.  See you guys in a few hours, 

KO

Good evening.  Good morning.  I have to get up for work in a few hours, so I will keep this brief. 

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The KO Tournament tonight was a lot of fun.  I’m still figuring out how to excel in a loud bar.  Oh, and a fight almost broke out.  All in all, still a good night.

I will see you folks in a few short hours. 

So Tired

Good evening.  I don’t have a whole lot I want to discuss tonight.  It was a productive day, though.  Tomorrow is the KO competition in Winters, and Friday I’m judging the Apple Tree competition at STAB! Then I have a 6 am car appointment on Saturday.  It’s going to be an exhausting few days, but it will be worth it.

Alright, I have more I need to get done tonight.  See you guys in the morning. 

Well Well Well

Good evening.  I don’t really want to do a screenshot tonight.  It was an exhausting day, but a good day.   

Work was off the hook, but I’ve been doing this job long enough that I got it handled.  In other news, I now have an all-day date for my birthday weekend.  This should be interesting.  Stay tuned.

I need to figure out what I’m doing for this KO competition on Thursday, and then I’m gonna read more of The Favorite Sister.  See you guys in the morning. 

It’s Been A Long Day

Good evening.  I have a couple of things on my mind tonight.

1) I feel like I’m getting too old to be out late.  I get tired early, and sometimes I feel like I would rather be at home reading when everyone around me is drunk and getting turnt, and I’m not.  Do people still say turnt?  Probably not.  I’m old.  But I digress.

2) I’m noticing that when people say “I want you to be honest with me”, often, they actually don’t.  Or they’re not prepared to actually hear the truth.  Which is also probably why I’m single, but that’s neither here nor there.

I’m going to sleep, and then brunch.  See you guys in the morning. 

Food Makes Me Happy

Good morning.  I’m not in the mood for screenshots right now.  I want to have a happy day.

I have brunch with the girls tomorrow, so this morning I’m going to prep mini-pavlovas and Bloody Mary pickles.  Yum.  Pics to follow.   

Tonight’s post is probably going to be rather late, since I’ll be out celebrating a friend’s birthday.  I hope that everyone has a nice Saturday.  I know I will.