Whose Shoes

Good morning!  I’m finally posting some pics from The Shoe Show. 

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Suzette

Suzette

Kiran the Witch

Kiran the Witch

Isa Ka Booka-Boo

Isa Ka Booka-Boo

Jack E. O’Nasty

Jack E. O’Nasty

Hellen Heels, who also performed an amazing lip sync. 

Hellen Heels, who also performed an amazing lip sync. 

Me as The Trash Queen

Me as The Trash Queen

Group shot

Group shot

Alright folks, I am on vacation, so I’m gonna lounge before dinner with Jessica.  See you guys later tonight. 

That Was Short-Lived

Good morning.  I don’t have a screenshot of this conversation because I was too slow, but a random guy messaged me last night.  I told him that I found it a little suspicious that he had a fake name on FB.  He blocked me immediately afterwards.  Fun times.

There are some really exciting things in the works, but I’ll talk about those as I get more details.  I hope that you all have a lovely day. 

10 Things I Hate About Family Vacations

in

Jessica has been on a roll with the "10 Things I Hate" lists...probably because she just got back from a family camping trip.  Anyway, here's what she loathes about family trips.

10 Things I Hate About: Family Vacations

1) Being expected to spend ALL of your waking time with the whole group.

2) On vacations involving extended families, one person trying to be the chief of the tribe when there are multiple clans.  What works for one does not necessarily work for all!  It’s called compromise, people!

3) Family members who don’t pull their weight – uneven division of labor.

4) Cheapskates/freeloaders. 

5) Inadequate sleeping arrangements, esp. when you are the only adult who is single/unmarried, no kids.  You just get grouped with other people or stuck on a sofa somewhere.  And you’ve probably paid an equal share of the cost, too! Not fair! 

6) Putting the children’s needs first all of the time, i.e. children going before the adults in the food line, all the activities revolve around them, etc.

7) Opinionated family members.  If it doesn’t affect you, what do you care?!

8) Thoughtlessness in trip planning, i.e. not taking into consideration people’s financial situations and interests.  

9) Role expectations.  Automatically assuming that, whatever it is that needs to be done, a certain person will handle it, without asking them if they can/will/mind doing it.

10) Long road trips with the fam.  I love my parents, but there is nothing like being in the backseat of the family car listening to my parents bickering in the front to make me feel more grateful that I’m an adult now and no longer live with them and don’t have to listen to it on a daily basis anymore!

Tru dat.  Alright, I need to work on my set for The Shoe Shoe on Wednesday, so I'm out.  See you guys in the morning.

New Stuff

Evening, folks.  I had a productive day.  I went to a writing session with a few other comics, and I got some good feedback on new material.  You should come to Luna’s on Wednesday for The Shoe Show and watch me perform the new stuff.

I also watched the first episode of Sharp Objects tonight.  The book is one of my all-time favorites, and this episode set a very sinister tone.  I’m excited for the rest of the season. 

And with that, I’m off to bed.  See you guys in the morning. 

I Don’t You To..??

Good morning.  I went back into the POF archives.

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I’m not even sure where to start with this one.  Actually, yes I do.  I hate when guys won’t give you their real names.  I hate the joke about only biting if you want me to.  Or won’t me to..??, in this dude’s case.  And “a good time” unfortunately means only one thing to most guys on dating apps.

Ok, that’s all I have to say about that. 

I’m off to get my hair done and run some errands.  See you guys later. 

The Twilight Zone

Confessions of the Garbage People went splendidly.  In a strange twist of fate, I ended up reading my own confessions. 

It’s that time of year when I’m not in the mood to be introspective.  Instead, here’s a list of my ten favorite episodes of The Twilight Zone, inspired by a conversation I had with Damian Harmony this morning.

10) “To Serve Man”: I always found the cookbook twist a little funny. 

9) “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet”: Now I always imagine a monster on the wing of the plane when I’m on a flight with turbulence. 

8) “A Stop at Willoughby”: Spoiler alert: he dead. 

7) “The Monsters are Due on Maple Street”: An always timely reflection on paranoia and mob mentality. 

6) “Where is Everybody?”: This episode is why I keep myself constantly occupied. 

5) “The Masks”: If you dig this episode, check out the episode of Darkest Night titled “The Will Reading”.  Plus, Lee Pace has a sexy voice.  But I digress. 

4) “Tim Enough at Last”: This episode is my worst nightmare.

3) “Eye of the Beholder”: I’m still haunted by the phrase “no change”. 

2) “The Howling Man”: This episode combines some of my favorite story elements: a storm, a creepy building, and the Devil. 

1) “Five Characters in Search of an Exit”: I’m a huge fan of the “strangers locked in a room” genre, and the ending is genius.  Also, if you haven’t watched Cube, do so. 

Comment below with your favorites, or if you want to argue.  See you guys in the morning. 

Letting Go

in

Good evening.  It's another early post, because I have a lot to do tonight.

Breakups are hard, but generally there’s an overall feeling that there’s something better out there.  Breaking off a friendship is more difficult.

I’ve been changing these past few years.  I’ve become less tolerant of disrespectful and destructive behaviors, both in romantic relationships and friendships.  I used to quietly sit and turn red with embarrassment if I was with someone at a restaurant who berated the wait staff, then I would secretly leave them a large tip while listening to my friend rant about some stupid, imagined slight that the server had committed.  I would let snide remarks about other friends or about my significant other at the time slide. Part of it was avoiding conflict. Part of it was fear that the anger would get directed towards me.

But...why did I have to put up with that?  I realized fairly early on that I didn’t have to date someone who treated me, my friends, or people in general like crap.  Why did I let my friends get away with it for so long?

Most of the time, if someone is negative in general, I just gradually back off and interact with him/her less.  Sometimes the interactions are also better in small doses. Energy is contagious, and limited. I would rather surround myself with people who support me and who try to improve themselves.

I’ve only completely cut two friends out of my life.  One was more of an acquaintance, and she made up a story about one of my friends hurting her.  That was definitely unforgivable. The other scenario was harder. We had been friends for almost 10 years, but she had always been...tumultuous, mostly due to her romantic life.  She would completely change for whichever guy she was with at the time. She ended up marrying a man who was not a nice person (I recognize that this is up for debate, but in my opinion, any guy who will sext his girlfriend’s friends from her phone and call the mother of his children a c**t is not a good person).  It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I reached a point where I dreaded getting messages from her, because they were full of backhanded compliments and subtle insults. I ended up writing her a long Dear John-ish letter, and I cried the whole time I wrote it. I think it was hard on both of us. Maybe someday she’ll be back to the person I remember at the beginning.  Maybe not.

Sometimes friendships, like romantic relationships, don’t last forever.  People outgrow each other. It sucks, but it’s hard to let go of the memory of the person your friend used to be.  I have an amazing group of people around me right now, and they lift me up rather than drag me down. What more can I ask for?

Alright, that's about it for this evening.  See you guys soon.

 

10 Things I Hate About Weddings

in

Good...afternoon.  I'm posting a little early today, both because Jessica gave me a handwritten list that I have to type up, and because I want the evening to myself.  So yeah, here are 10 things that Jessica hates about weddings.

10 Things I Hate About Weddings

  1. Expensive destination weddings.  Are you secretly hoping I RSVP "regretfully I cannot attend" so that you don't have to buy my dinner?
  2. Toasts that become roasts.  Chose your maid of honor and best man wisely--make sure these people have a filter.  They know your past and can bring up the "ex-files".
  3. Freakish themes.  Don't mandate that your wedding party dress like freaks just so it makes you and your husband look good (think 27 Dresses.  If you have not seen it, watch it.  Learn from it).
  4. Seating arrangements.  If you must assign your guests to tables, be sensitive and thoughtful.  Don't leave your adult single friend sitting at the kids' table to babysit.
  5. Poorly planned venues.  If it's winter, have it indoors, please!  Don't make guests suffer inclement weather.
  6. Nourishment.  Serving the reception dinner late, especially without sufficient appetizers, is hard on your guests.  Bread and crudite only tide people over for so long.
  7. Dry weddings...unless it is for religious reasons.
  8. Groomsmen and bridesmaids hooking up at the wedding.  Keep it in your pants for just one night.  I beg of you.  Especially if this leads to drama afterwards.
  9. The bouquet toss.  Extra annoying: playing "Single Ladies" by Queen Bey.  The bouquet toss has tainted that song forever.  By the way, thanks to the person who inevitably forces me to participate in the bouquet toss, thus publicly announcing that I am still single.
  10. Bad music/entertainment.  Please do not invite your little brother's garage band to play your wedding.  Please get a decent DJ/wedding singer/orchestra.

Well, gang, I'm off to read for the rest of the evening.  I hope that you all have a lovely time watching fireworks, or doing whatever it is you're doing tonight.